I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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