were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
