I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
