I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
