things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
why is half of my head shaved?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
