I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
