my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
