That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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