i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
