Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
