Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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