He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
