Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
