she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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