What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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