You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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