Just fell off a train. Bad.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
