A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
