"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
