I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
