So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is my gift to your gina
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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