Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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