We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
