i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
