1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
