Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
