I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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