Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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