I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize