Do vagina's smell?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
