the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
