I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Are my feet made of real feet?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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