I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
