I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
