Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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