Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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