dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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