Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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