I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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