it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize