So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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