Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
