Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
