You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
