I wannas sexs uuuuu
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
