so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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