I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
