u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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