I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
