Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
