There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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