You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
