You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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