Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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