Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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