I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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