upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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