I cut my penus on the lid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
