She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
