I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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