I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
only you would photoshop your dick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
