i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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