my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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