it wasn't lemon gatorade
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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