I can't breathe out the right side of my face
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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