Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
