Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
