Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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