he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
