thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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