hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
