i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I checked into jail on foursquare
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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