Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
