You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She bit a glass in half.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
