I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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