a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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