i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
